The London Prodigal – Act Two, Scene Four

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Enter SIR LANCELOT and OLIVER.

 OLIVER
And tyt trust to it, so then.

LANCELOT
Assure yourself,
You shall be married with all speed we may.
One day shall serve for Frances and for Luce.

OLIVER
Why che would vain know the time, for providing wedding raiments.

LANCELOT
Why, no more but this:  first give your assurance made, touching my daughter’s jointer.  That dispatched, we will in two days make provision.

OLIVER
Why, man, chil have the writings made by tomorrow.

LANCELOT
Tomorrow be it then.  Let’s meet at the King’s Head in Fish Street.

OLIVER
No, fie, man, no; let’s meet at the Rose at Temple-Bar;
That will be nearer your counsellor and mine.

LANCELOT
At the Rose be it then, the hour nine.
He that comes last forfeits a pint of wine.

OLIVER
A pint is no payment; let it be a whole quart or nothing.

Enter ARTICHOKE.

 ARTICHOKE
Master, here is a man would speak with Master Oliver.  He comes from young Master Flowerdale.

OLIVER
Why, chill speak with him, chill speak with him.

LANCELOT
Nay, son Oliver, I’ll surely see what young Flowerdale hath sent to you.  I pray God it be no quarrel.                                                                [Exit ARTICHOKE.

OLIVER
Why, man, if he quarrel with me, chill give him his hands full.

Enter FATHER.

FATHER
God save you, good Sir Lancelot.

LANCELOT
Welcome, honest friend.

FATHER
To you and yours my master wisheth health,
[To OLIVER.] But unto you, sir, this, and this he sends:
There is the length, sir, of his rapier,
And in that paper shall you know his mind.

OLIVER
Here, chill meet him, my vrend, chill meet him.

LANCELOT
Meet him!  You shall not meet the ruffian, fie.

OLIVER
And I do not meet him, chill give you leave to call me cut.  Where ist, sirrah, where ist?  Where ist?

FATHER
The letter shows both the time and place,
And if you be a man, then keep your word.

LANCELOT
Sir, he shall not keep his word, he shall not meet.

FATHER
Why, let him choose; he’ll be the better known
For a base rascal, and reputed so.

OLIVER
Zounds, zirrah.  And ‘twere not an old fellow, and sent after an arrant, chid give thee something, but hold thee, for I see thou art somewhat testorne; hold thee.  There’s vorty shillings.  Bring thy master a veeld, chil give thee vorty more.  Look thou bring him.  Chil mall him, tell him, chill mar his dauncing tressels, chil use him, he was ne’er so used since his dam bound his head.  Chill make him for capyring any more, chy vor thee.

FATHER
You seem a man, stout and resolute,
And I will so report where ere befall.

LANCELOT
And fall out ill; assure your master this,
I’ll make him fly the land, or use him worse.

FATHER
My master, sir, deserves not this of you.
And that you’ll shortly find.

LANCELOT
Thy master is an unthrift, you a knave,
And I’ll attach you first, next clap him up
Or have him bound unto his good behaviour.

OLIVER
I would you were a sprite, if you do him any harm for this.  And you do, chill ne’er see  you, nor any of yours, while chill have eyes open.  What, do you think, chil be abaffled up and down the town for a messell and a scoundrel?  No, chy vor you.  Zirrah, chil come.  Zay no more, chil come, tell him.

FATHER
Well, sir, my master deserves not this of you,
And that you’ll shortly find.                                                                     [Exit.

LANCELOT
No mater, he’s an unthrift.  I defy him.
Now, gentle son, let me know the place.

OLIVER
No, chy vore you.

LANCELOT
Let me see the note.

OLIVER
Nay, chill watch you for zutch a trick.  But if che meet him, zoe, if not, zoe.  Chill make him know me, or chill know why I shall not, chill vare the worse.

LANCELOT
What, will you then neglect my daughter’s love?
Venture your state and hers for a loose brawl?

OLIVER
Why, man chill not kill him.  Marry chill veze him too, and again.  And zoe God be with you, vather.  What man, we shall meet tomorrow.                             [Exit.

LANCELOT
Who would a’ thought he had been so desperate?
Come forth, my honest servant Artichoke.

Enter ARTICHOKE.

ARTICHOKE
Now, what’s the matter?  Some brawl toward, I warrant you.

LANCELOT
Go, get me thy sword bright scoured, thy buckler mended.  Oh, for that knave, that villain Daffodil would have done good service.  But to thee.

ARTICHOKE
Ay, this is the tricks of all you gentlemen, when you stand in need of a good fellow.  “Oh, for that Daffodil!  Oh, where is he?”  But if you be angry, and it be but for the wagging of a straw, then, “Out a’ doors with the knave; turn the coat over his ears!”  That is the humour of you all.

LANCELOT
Oh, for that knave, that lusty Daffodil!

ARTICHOKE
Where, there ‘tis now.  Our year’s wages and our vails will scarce pay for broken swords and bucklers that we use in our quarrels.  But I’ll not fight if Daffodil be a’ t’other side, that’s flat.

LANCELOT
‘Tis no such matter, man.  Get weapons ready, and be at London ere the break of day.  Watch near the lodging of the Devonshire youth, but be unseen; and as he goes out, as he will go out, and that very early without doubt—

ARTICHOKE
What, would you have me draw upon him, as he goes in the street?

LANCELOT
Not for the world, man.  Into the fields, for to the field he goes, there to meet the desperate Flowerdale.  Take thou the part of Oliver my son, for he shall be my son and marry Luce.  Dost understand me, knave?

ARTICHOKE
Ay, sir, I do understand you, but my young mistress might be better provided in matching with my fellow Daffodil.

LANCELOT
No more.  Daffodil is a knave.
That Daffodil is a most notorious knave.                               [Exit ARTICHOKE.

Enter WEATHERCOCK.

Master Weathercock, you come in happy time.  The desperate Flowerdale hath writ a challenge.  And who think you must answer it, but the Devonshire man, my son Oliver?

WEATHERCOCK
Marry, I am sorry for it, good Sir Lancelot,
But if you will be ruled by me, we’ll stay the fury.

LANCELOT
As how, I pray?

WEATHERCOCK
Marry, I’ll tell you:  by promising young Flowerdale the red lipped Luce.

LANCELOT
I’ll rather follow her unto her grave.

WEATHERCOCK
Ay, Sir Lancelot, I would have thought so too, but you and I have been deceived in him.  Come, read this will, or deed, or what you call it, I know not.  Come, come, your spectacles, I pray.

LANCELOT
Nay, I thank God, I see very well.

WEATHERCOCK
Marry, bless your eyes.  Mine hath been dim almost this thirty years.

LANCELOT
Ha, what is this?  What is this?

WEATHERCOCK
Nay, there is true love, indeed.
He gave it to me but this very morn,
And bid me keep it unseen from any one.

LANCELOT
Passion of me, what a wretch am I
To hate this loving youth.  He hath made me,
Together with my Luce he loves so dear,
Executors of all his wealth.

WEATHERCOCK
All, all, good man.  He hath given you all.

LANCELOT
Three ships now in the straits and homeward bound;
Two lordships of two hundred pound a year,
The one in Wales the other in Gloucestershire;
Debts and accounts are thirty thousand pound;
Plate, money, jewels, sixteen thousand more;
Two housen furnished well in Cole-man street,
Beside whatsever his uncle leaves to him,
Being of great demesnes and wealth at Peckham.

WEATHERCOCK
How like you this, good knight?  How like you this?

LANCELOT
I have done him wrong, but now I’ll make amends.
The Devonshire man shall whistle for a wife.
He marry Luce!  Luce shall be Flowerdale’s

WEATHERCOCK
Why, that is friendly said.
Let’s ride to London and prevent their match,
By promising your daughter to that lovely lad.

LANCELOT
We’ll ride to London—or it shall not need,
We’ll cross to Dedfort-strand, and take a boat.
Where be these knaves?  What, Artichoke!  What, fop!

Enter ARTICHOKE.

ARTICHOKE
Here be the very knaves, but not the merry knaves.

LANCELOT
Here, take my cloak.  I’ll have a walk to Dedford.

ARTICHOKE
Sir, we have been scouring of our swords and bucklers in your defence.

LANCELOT
Defence me no defence!  Let your swords rust.  I’ll have no fighting.  Aye, let blows alone.  Bid Delia see all things be in readiness against the wedding.  We’ll have two at once, and that will save charges, Master Weathercock.

ARTICHOKE
Well, we will do it, sir.                                                                          [Exeunt.

Proceed to the next scene

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