The Roaring Girl – Act Four, Scene Two

Return to previous scene

Enter MISTRESS GALLIPOT and MISTRESS OPENWORK.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Is then that bird of yours, Master Goshawk, so wild?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
A goshawk, a puttock: all for prey; he angles for fish, but he loves flesh better.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Is’t possible his smooth face should have wrinkles in’t and we not see them?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Possible! Why, have not many handsome legs in silk stockings villainous splay feet for all their great roses?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Troth, sirrah, thou sayst true.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Didst never see an archer as thou ‘ast walk’d by Bunhill look a-squint when he drew his bow?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Yes, when his arrows have fline toward Islington, his eyes have shot clean contrary towards Pimlico.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
For all the world so does Master Goshawk double with me.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Oh, fie upon him! If he double once, he’s not for me.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Because Goshawk goes in a shag-ruff band, with a face sticking up in’t which shows like an agate set in a cramp-ring, he thinks I’m in love with him.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
‘Las, I think he takes his mark amiss in thee.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
He has by often beating into me made me believe that my husband kept a whore.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Very good.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Swore to me that my husband this very morning went in a boat with a tilt over it to the Three Pigeons at Brainford, and his punk with him under his tilt.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
That were wholesome.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
I believ’d it, fell a-swearing at him, cursing of harlots, made me ready to hoise up sail, and be there as soon as he.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
So, so.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
And for that voyage Goshawk comes hither incontinently. But, sirrah, this water-spaniel dives after no duck but me; his hope is having me at Brainford to make me cry quack.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Art sure of it?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Sure of it! My poor innocent Openwork came in as I was poking my ruff; presently hit I him i’the teeth with the Three Pigeons: he forswore all, I up and opened all, and now stands he in a shop hard by like a musket on a rest, to hit Goshawk i’the eye when he comes to fetch me to the boat.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Such another lame gelding offered to carry me through thick and thin, Laxton, sirrah, but I am rid of him now.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Happy is the woman can be rid of ’em all. ‘Las, what are your whisking gallants to our husbands, weigh ’em rightly man for man?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Troth, mere shallow things.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Idle simple things, running heads, and yet let ’em run over us never so fast, we shopkeepers, when all’s done, are sure to have ’em in our purse-nets at length, and when they are in, Lord, what simple animals they are!  Then they hang the head.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Then they droop.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Then they write letters.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Then they cog.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Then they deal underhand with us, and we must ingle with our husbands a-bed, and we must swear they are our cousins, and able to do us a pleasure at court.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
And yet when we have done our best, all’s but put into a riven dish: we are but frump’d at and libell’d upon.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Oh, if it were the good Lord’s will, there were a law made no citizen should trust any of ’em at all!

Enter GOSHAWK.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
[Aside to MISTRESS OPENWORK.] Hush, sirrah, Goshawk flutters.

 GOSHAWK
How now, are you ready?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Nay, are you ready? A little thing, you see, makes us ready.

 GOSHAWK
Us? Why, must she make one i’ the voyage?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Oh, by any means. Do I know how my husband will handle me?

 GOSHAWK
[Aside.] Foot, how shall I find water to keep these two mills going?  Well, since you’ll needs be clapp’d under hatches, if I sail not with you both till all split, hang me up at the mainyard and duck me. [Aside.] It’s but liquoring them both soundly, and then you shall see their cork heels fly up high, like two swans when their tails are above water and their long necks under water, diving to catch gudgeons.  Come, come, oars stand ready, the tide’s with us: on with those false faces. Blow winds and thou shalt take thy husband casting out his net to catch fresh salmon at Brainford.

MISTRESS GALLIPOT
I believe you’ll eat of a cod’s head of your own dressing before you reach half way thither.                                                                        [The women don masks.

 GOSHAWK
So, so, follow close; pin as you go.

 Enter LAXTON muffled.

 LAXTON
Do you hear?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Yes, I thank my ears.

 LAXTON
I must have a bout with your pothecaryship.

MISTRESS GALLIPOT
At what weapon?

 LAXTON
I must speak with you.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
No.

 LAXTON
No? You shall.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Shall? Away, sous’d sturgeon, half fish, half flesh!

 LAXTON
Faith, gib, are you spitting? I’ll cut your tail, pusscat, for this.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
‘Las, poor Laxton, I think thy tail’s cut already. Your worst!

 LAXTON
If I do not—                                                                              [Exit LAXTON.

 GOSHAWK
Come, ha’ you done?

Enter MISTRESS OPENWORK.
[Aside to her.] ‘Sfoot, Rosamond, your husband!

 OPENWORK
How now? Sweet Master Goshawk, none more welcome;
I have wanted your embracements: when friends meet,
The music of the spheres sounds not more sweet
Than does their conference. Who is this? Rosamond?
Wife? How now, sister?

 GOSHAWK
[Aside to MISTRESS OPENWORK.] Silence if you love me.

 OPENWORK
Why mask’d?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Does a mask grieve you, sir?

 OPENWORK
It does.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Then y’are best get you a-mumming.

 GOSHAWK
[Aside to her.] ‘Sfoot, you’ll spoil all!

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
May not we cover our bare faces with masks
As well as you cover your bald heads with hats?

 OPENWORK
No masks. Why, th’ are thieves to beauty, that rob eyes
Of admiration in which true love lies.
Why are masks worn? Why good, or why desired,
Unless by their gay covers wits are fired
To read the vild’st looks? Many bad faces,
Because rich gems are treasured up in cases,
Pass by their privilege current, but as caves
Dam misers’ gold, so masks are beauty’s graves.
Men ne’er meet women with such muffled eyes
But they curse her that first did masks devise,
And swear it was some beldam. Come, off with ‘t.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
I will not.

 OPENWORK
Good faces mask’d are jewels kept by sprites.
Hide none but bad ones, for they poison men’s sights:
Show  them as shopkeepers do their broid’red stuff,
By owl-light; fine wares cannot be open enough.
Prithee, sweet Rose, come strike this sail.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Sail?

 OPENWORK
Ha?
Yes, wife, strike sail, for storms are in thine eyes.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Th’are here, sir, in my brows if any rise.

 OPENWORK
Ha, brows? What says she, friend? Pray tell me why
Your two flags were advanc’d. The comedy,
Come, what’s the comedy?

  MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Westward Ho!

 OPENWORK
How?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
‘Tis Westward Ho she says.

 GOSHAWK
Are you both mad?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Is’t market day at Brainford, and your ware
Not sent up yet?

 OPENWORK
What market day? What ware?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
A pie with three pigeons in’t; ’tis drawn and stays
Your cutting up.

 GOSHAWK
[Aside to her.] As you regard my credit—

 OPENWORK
Art mad?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Yes, lecherous goat, baboon!

 OPENWORK
Baboon? Then toss
Me in a blanket.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Do I it well?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Rarely.

 GOSHAWK
Belike, sir, she’s not well; best leave her.

OPENWORK
No,
I’ll stand the storm now how fierce so e’er it blow.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Did I for this lose all my friends? Refuse
Rich hopes and golden fortunes to be made
A stale to a common whore?

 OPENWORK
This does amaze me!

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Oh God, oh God, feed at reversion now?
A strumpet’s leaving?

 OPENWORK
Rosamond—

 GOSHAWK
[Aside.] I sweat!
Would I lay in Cold Harbour!

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Thou hast struck ten thousand daggers through my heart!

 OPENWORK
Not I, by heaven, sweet wife.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Go, devil, go;
That which thou swear’st by damns thee.

 GOSHAWK
[Aside to her.] ‘Sheart, will you undo me?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Why stay you here? The star by which you sail
Shines yonder above Chelsea; you lose your shore
If this moon light you: seek out your light whore.

 OPENWORK
Ha?

  MISTRESS OPENWORK
Push! Your western pug!

 GOSHAWK
[Aside.] Zounds, now hell roars!

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
With whom you tilted in a pair of oars
This very morning.

OPENWORK
Oars?

MISTRESS OPENWORK
At Brainford, sir.

 OPENWORK
Rack not my patience. Master Goshawk,
Some slave has buzzed this into her, has he not?
I run atilt in Brainford with a woman?
‘Tis a lie!
What old bawd tells thee this? ‘Sdeath, ’tis a lie!

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
‘Tis one to thy face shall justify all that I speak.

 OPENWORK
‘Ud’s soul, do but name that rascal!

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
No, sir, I will not.

 GOSHAWK
[Aside.] Keep thee there girl, then!

 OPENWORK
Sister, know you this varlet?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Yes.

 OPENWORK
Swear true:
Is there a rogue so low damn’d? A second Judas?
A common hangman? Cutting a man’s throat?
Does it to his face? Bite me behind my back?
A cur dog? Swear if you know this hell-hound!

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
In truth I do.

 OPENWORK
His name?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Not for the world,
To have you to stab him.

 GOSHAWK
[Aside.] Oh, brave girls: worth gold!

 OPENWORK
A word, honest Master Goshawk.                                     [Draw out his sword.

 GOSHAWK
What do you mean, sir?

 OPENWORK
Keep off, and if the devil can give a name
To this new fury, holla it through my ear,
Or wrap it up in some hid character.
I’ll ride to Oxford and watch out mine eyes,
But I’ll hear the brazen head speak; or else
Show me but one hair of his head or beard,
That I may sample it. If the fiend I meet
In mine own house, I’ll kill him, in the street,
Or at the church door: there, ’cause he seeks to untie
The knot God fastens, he deserves to die.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
My husband titles him.

 OPENWORK
Master Goshawk, pray, sir,
Swear to me that you know him or know him not.
Who makes me at Brainford to take up a petticoat
Beside my wife’s?

 GOSHAWK
By heaven that man I know not!

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Come, come, you lie.

 GOSHAWK
[Aside to her.] Will you not have all out?
By heaven I know no man beneath the moon
Should do you wrong, but if I had his name,
I’d print it in text letters.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Print thine own then:
Didst not thou swear to me he kept his whore?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
And that in sinful Brainford they would commit
That which our lips did water at, sir, ha?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Thou spider, that hast woven thy cunning web
In mine own house t’ ensnare me! Hast not thou
Suck’d nourishment even underneath this roof
And turn’d it all to poison? Spitting it
On thy friend’s face, my husband, he as ’twere sleeping?
Only to leave him ugly to mine eyes
That they might glance on thee?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Speak: are these lies?

 GOSHAWK
Mine own shame me confounds.

 OPENWORK
No more; he’s stung.
Who’d think that in one body there could dwell
Deformity and beauty, heaven and hell?
Goodness I see is but outside: we all set
In rings of gold stones that be counterfeit.
I thought you none.

 GOSHAWK
Pardon me.

 OPENWORK
Truth, I do.
This blemish grows in nature not in you,
For man’s creation sticks even moles in scorn
On fairest cheeks. Wife, nothing is perfect born.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
I thought you had been born perfect.

 OPENWORK
What’s this whole world but a gilt, rotten pill?
For at the heart lies the old chore still.
I’ll tell you, Master Goshawk, in your eye
I have seen wanton fire, and then to try
The soundness of my judgment, I told you
I kept a whore, made you believe ’twas true,
Only to feel how your pulse beat, but find
The world can hardly yield a perfect friend.
Come, come, a trick of youth, and ’tis forgiven;
This rub put by, our love shall run more even.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
You’ll deal upon men’s wives no more?

 GOSHAWK
No, you teach me
A trick for that.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
Troth, do not, they’ll o’erreach thee.

 OPENWORK
Make my house yours, sir, still.

 GOSHAWK
No.

 OPENWORK
I say you shall:
Seeing thus besieg’d it holds out, ’twill never fall.

Enter MASTER GALLIPOT, and GREENWIT like a sumner, LAXTON muffled aloof off.

 OMNES
How now?

 GALLIPOT
With me, sir?

 GREENWIT
You, sir. I have gone snaffling up and down by your door this hour to watch for you.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
What’s the matter, husband?

 GREENWIT
I have caught a cold in my head, sir, by sitting up late in the Rose Tavern, but I hope you understand my speech.

 GALLIPOT
So, sir.

 GREENWIT
I cite you by the name of Hippocrates Gallipot, and you by the name of Prudence Gallipot, to appear upon Crastino, do you see, Crastino sancti Dunstani this Easter Term in Bow Church.

 GALLIPOT
Where sir? What says he?

 GREENWIT
Bow, Bow Church, to answer to a libel of precontract on the part and behalf of the said Prudence and another. Y’are best, sir, take a copy of the citation; ’tis but twelvepence.

 OMNES
A citation?

 GALLIPOT
You pocky-nosed rascal, what slave fees you to this?

 LAXTON
Slave? I ha’ nothing to do with you, do you hear, sir?

 GOSHAWK
Laxton, is’t not? What fagary is this?

 GALLIPOT
Trust me, I thought, sir, this storm long ago
Had been full laid when, if you be rememb’red,
I paid you the last fifteen pound, besides
The thirty you had first, for then you swore.

 LAXTON
Tush, tush, sir, oaths!
Truth, yet I’m loath to vex you, tell you what:
Make up the money I had an hundred pound
And take your belly full of her.

 GALLIPOT
An hundred pound?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
What, a hundred pound? He gets none: what, a hundred pound!

 GALLIPOT
Sweet Pru, be calm, the gentleman offers thus,
If I will make the moneys that are past
A hundred pound, he will discharge all courts
And give his bond never to vex us more.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
A hundred pound! ‘Las! Take, sir, but threescore.
Do you seek my undoing?

 LAXTON
I’ll not bate one sixpence.
I’ll maul you, puss, for spitting.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Do thy worst!
Will fourscore stop thy mouth?

 LAXTON
No.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Y’are a slave!
Thou cheat, I’ll now tear money from thy throat!
Husband, lay hold on yonder tawny-coat.

 GREENWIT
Nay, gentlemen, seeing your women are so hot,
I must lose my hair in their company, I see.              [Removes his wig.

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
His hair sheds off, and yet he speaks not so much in the nose as he did before.

 GOSHAWK
He has had the better chirurgeon. Master Greenwit, is your wit so raw as to play no better a part than a sumner’s?

 GALLIPOT
I pray who plays a knack to know an honest man in this company?

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Dear husband, pardon me, I did dissemble,
Told thee I was his precontracted wife,
When letters came from him for thirty pound;
I had no shift but that.

 GALLIPOT
A very clean shift,
But able to make me lousy. On.

MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Husband, I pluck’d,
When he had tempted me to think well of him,

Gelt feathers from thy wings to make him fly
More lofty.

 GALLIPOT
A’ the top of you, wife. On.

 MISTRESS GALLIPOT
He, having wasted them, comes now for more,
Using me as a ruffian doth his whore,
Whose sin keeps him in breath. By heaven I vow
Thy bed he never wrong’d, more than he does now.

 GALLIPOT
My bed? Ha, ha, like enough: a shop-board will serve
To have a cuckold’s coat cut out upon.
Of that we’ll talk hereafter. Y’are a villain.

 LAXTON
Hear me but speak, sir, you shall find me none.

 OMNES
Pray, sir, be patient and hear him.

 GALLIPOT
I am muzzled
For biting, sir; use me how you will.

 LAXTON
The first hour that your wife was in my eye,
Myself with other gentlemen sitting by
In your shop tasting smoke, and speech being used,
That men who have fairest wives are most abused
And hardly scap’d the horn, your wife maintain’d
That only such spots in city dames were stain’d,
Justly, but by men’s slanders: for her own part,
She vow’d that you had so much of her heart;
No man by all his wit, by any wile
Never so fine spun, should yourself beguile
Of what in her was yours.

 GALLIPOT
Yet Pru, ’tis well.
Play out your game at Irish, sir. Who wins?

 MISTRESS OPENWORK
The trial is when she comes to bearing.

 LAXTON
I scorn’d one woman thus should brave all men
And, which more vex’d me, a she-citizen.
Therefore I laid siege to her; out she held,
Gave many a brave repulse, and me compell’d
With shame to sound retreat to my hot lust.
Then seeing all base desires rak’d up in dust,
And that to tempt her modest ears, I swore
Ne’er to presume again. She said her eye
Would ever give me welcome honestly,
And since I was a gentleman, if it run low,
She would my state relieve, not to o’erthrow
Your own and hers; did so. Then seeing I wrought
Upon her meekness, me she set at nought,
And yet to try if I could turn that tide,
You see what stream I strove with. But, sir, I swear
By heaven, and by those hopes men lay up there,
I neither have nor had a base intent
To wrong your bed; what’s done is merriment.
Your gold I pay back with this interest:
When I had most power to do’t, I wrong’d you least.

 GALLIPOT
If this no gullery be, sir—

 OMNES
No, no, on my life!

 GALLIPOT
Then, sir, I am beholden not to you, wife,
But, Master Laxton, to your want of doing ill,
Which it seems you have not. Gentlemen,
Tarry and dine here all.

 OPENWORK
Brother, we have a jest
As good as yours to furnish out a feast.

 GALLIPOT
We’ll crown our table with it. Wife, brag no more
Of holding out: who most brags is most whore.                                 [Exeunt omnes.

Proceed to the next scene.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

%d bloggers like this: