Match Me in London – Act Three, Scene One

Return to previous scene

Enter JOHN, a Doctor, and PACHECO.

JOHN
Pacheco.

PACHECO
My lord?

JOHN
It shall be so.  To the king presently.
See my carouch be ready; furnish me
To go to court, sir.

PACHECO
Well, sir.                                                                              [Exit.

DOCTOR
Why, my lord?

JOHN
What sayest thou?

DOCTOR
You will overthrow the state
Of that dear health which so much cost and time
Have been a building up; your pores lying open,
Colds, agues, and all enemies to pure bloods
Will enter and destroy life.

Enter PACHECO, with cloak and rapier.

JOHN
I will to court.

DOCTOR
Pray my lord stir not forth.

JOHN
[To PACHECO.] Lay down.  Begone.                              [Exit PACHECO.

DOCTOR
The air will pierce you.

JOHN
I ha’ took cold already.

DOCTOR
When, sir?

JOHN
When you councell’d me to ride my horse.

DOCTOR
Nay, that as well.  How slept you the next night?

JOHN
Not a wink.

DOCTOR
All the better.

JOHN
But i’th’next morning,
I could not in a Russian stove sweat more
Then I did in my bed.

DOCTOR
Marry, I’m glad on’t.

JOHN
And had no clothes upon me.

DOCTOR
Still the better.

JOHN
My bones, sir, paid for all this, and yet you cry, “still the better.”  When you ha’ purg’d your pockets full of gold out of a patient, and then nail’d him in’s coffin, you cry then “still the better,” too.  A man were better to lie under the hands of a hangman, than one of your rebarbative faces.  Sirrah doctor, I do not think but I ahve been well, all this time I have been sick?

DOCTOR
Oh, my good lord.

JOHN
Oh, good master doctor, come, no more of this.   I have another diaphragm for you to tickle; you minister poison in some medicines, do you not?

DOCTOR
Yes, my good lord.  In purgative and expulsive.

JOHN
So, so, break not my head with your hard words; you can for a need poison a great man?

DOCTOR
Your lordship’s merry.

JOHN
Right, sir, but I must have it done in sadness.  ‘Tis your trade, master doctor, to send men packing.  Hark you, ‘tis no less bugbear then Don Valasco.

DOCTOR
The Admiral of Castile!

JOHN
Him you must sink.

DOCTOR
‘Tis my certain death to do it.

JOHN
And they certain death to deny it.  If you not show him a cast of your office, I’ll be so bold as bestow this upon you of mine.  I am sharp set.  Will you do it?

DOCTOR
I will, by these two hands.

JOHN
When?

DOCTOR
When you please.

JOHN
This day?

DOCTOR
This hour.

JOHN
And make him fast?

DOCTOR
Fast.

JOHN
For speaking.

DOCTOR
For speaking.

JOHN
Why then, good doctor, rise
To honour by it.  Be secret and be wise.

Enter PACHECO.

 PACHECO
The admiral is come, my lord.

JOHN
Away with these.  Show him the way in.  Doctor—

DOCTOR
Oh, my lord!

Enter VALASCO.

 JOHN
If you fail—

VALASCO
All health to your good lordship.  I wish that
Which most I think you want.

JOHN
Thanks, my good lord.
[Aside to Doctor.] Doctor, dispatch.  Take heed your compositions;
Hit as I told you.

DOCTOR
[Aside to JOHN] Oh, my lord, I am beaten in these things.

JOHN
[Aside to Doctor.] Go then.                                                             [Exit.
This visitation of your lordship
I take most kindly.

VALASCO
Two main wheels, my lord,
Have hither brought me; one the king’s command,
T’other my love, with a desire to know
Why I ‘mongst all the trees that spreak i’th’court
Should still be smote with lightening from your eye.
Yours th’only dangerous arrows shoots at me;
You have the courtiers’ dialect right; your tongue
Walks ten miles from your heart.  When last you saw me,
Do you remember how your threaten’d.  As for you, sir—

JOHN
These notes are strange.

VALASCO
Oh, my good lord, be my good lord.  I read
Harsh lectures in your face, but meet no comment
That can dissolve the riddle.   Unless it be
Out of that noble fashion that great men
Must trip some heels up though they do stand
As vintners when they conjure, only to show
Their skill in wrestling.  ’tis not well to strike
A man whose hands are bound, like should choose like.

JOHN
I strike you not, nor strive to give you falls.
‘Tis your own guilt afflicts you; if to the king
The song I set of you did to your ear
Unmusically sound, ‘twas not in hate
To you, but in desire to give the state
True knowledge of my innocence.  Be sure a bird
Chanted that tune to me, that only you
Incens’d the king that I should sell him.

VALASCO
Umh!

JOHN
Do you think I lie?

VALASCO
I do believe your lordship.

JOHN
‘Twas a man most near you.

VALASCO
A bosom villain!

JOHN
For you must think that all that bow, stand bare
And give court cakebread to you love you not.

VALASCO
True love at court, my lord,  is hardly got.

JOHN
If I can friend you, use me.

VALASCO
Humble thanks.

JOHN
Oh, my good lord, times silver foretop stands
An end before you, scap’d never yours, your shoulders
Bear the weal-public up, but they should bear
Like pillars to be strong themselves.  Would I
Want fish at sea, or golden showers at court,
I’d go awry sometimes wer’t but for sport.

VALASCO
Say you so?

JOHN
Sell justice and she’ll buy you lordships; clothe her,
As citizens do their wives, beyond their worth,
She’ll make you sell your lordships and your plate;
No wise man will for nothing serve a state.
Remember this:  your daughter is the queen,
Brave phrase to say my son-in-la the king,
Whilst sweet showers fall and sunshine make your spring.

VALASCO
You look not out I see, nor hear the storms
Which late have shook the court.

JOHN
Not I.  What storms?

VALASCO
You in your cabin know nothing; there’s a pinnace,
Was mann’d out first by th’city, is come to the court,
New rigg’d, a very painted galley foist,
And yet our Spanish carvils, the Armada
Of our great vessels, dare not stir for her.

JOHN
What pinnace mean you?

VALASCO
From his lawful pillow,
The king has ta’en a citizen’s wife.

JOHN
For what?

VALASCO
What should men do with citizens’ wives at court?
All will be naught!  Poor queen!  ‘Tis she smarts for’t.

JOHN
Now ‘tis your time to strike.

VALASCO
He does her wrong.
And I shall tell him soundly.

JOHN
Tell him!

VALASCO
I’ll pay it home.

JOHN
Were you some father-in-law now—

VALASCO
What lies here,
Lies here, and none shall know it.

JOHN
How easy were it,
For you to set this warping kingdom straight.

VALASCO
The people’s hearts are full.

JOHN
And weed the state.

VALASCO
Too full of weeds already.

JOHN
And to take all
Into your own hands.

VALASCO
I could soon do’t.

JOHN
Then do’t.

VALASCO
Do what?  Misprize me not, pray, good my lord,
Nor let those foolish words we shoot i’th’air
Fall on our heads and wound us.  To take all
Into mine own hands, this I mean.

JOHN
Come on.

VALASCO
Boldly and honestly to chide the king.

JOHN
Umh!

VALASCO
Take his minx up short.

JOHN
Take her up!

VALASCO
Roundly, to rate her Whitehall husband; to stir up—

JOHN
The people, since men’s wives are common cases.

VALASCO
You hear me not say so.

JOHN
To force this tyrant to mend or end.

VALASCO
Good day to your lordship.

JOHN
Shoot off the piece you have charg’d.

VALASCO
No, it recoils.

JOHN
You and I shall fall to cutting throats.

VALASCO
Why?

JOHN
If we cut one another’s throats, I shall never
Speak of this.  Fare your lordship well.
Alphonso de Granada!

Enter ALPHONSO.

 ALPHONSO
Good health to both your lordships!

JOHN
Thanks, good Alphonso.  Nay, pray stay.

VALASCO
Where hast thou been, Alphonso?

ALPHONSO
In the Marquess of Villa Nova del Rios Garden,
Where I gathered these grapes.

VALASCO
And th’are the fairest grapes I ever touch’d.

JOHN
Troth, so they are.  Plump Bacchus’ cheeks were never
So round and red; the very god of wine
Swells in this bunch, Lyæus set this vine.

VALASCO
I have not seen a lovlier.

ALPHONSO
‘Tis your lordship’s if you vouchsafe to take it.

VALASCO
Oh, I shall rob you of too much sweetness.

ALPHONSO
No, my lord.

VALASCO
I thank you.

ALPHONSO
Make bold to see your honour—

JOHN
Good Alphonso.

ALPHONSO
And, loath to be too troublesome, take my leave.

JOHN
My duty to the king.

VALASCO
Farewell, good Alphonso.                                                  [Exit. ALPHONSO.

JOHN
How do you like your grapes?

VALALSO
Most delicate.  Taste ‘em.
Is it not strange that on a branch so fair,
Should grow so foul a fruit as drunkards are?

JOHN
These are the bullets that make cities reel
More than the cannon can.

VALASCO
This juice infus’d
In man makes him a beast, good things abus’d
Convert to poison thus.  How now!

JOHN
I’m dizzy.
Oh, does not all the house run round on wheels!
Do not the posts go round!  My lord, this fellow
Loves you, I hope?

VALASCO
I’ll pawn my life he does.

JOHN
Would all we both are worth, were laid to pawn
To a broker that’s undamn’d for half a dram,
For half a scruple.  Oh, we are poison’d!

VALASCO
Ha!

JOHN
What do you feel?

VALASCO
A giddiness too, methinks.

JOHN
Without there!  Call the doctor, slave!

Enter PACHECO.

 PACHECO
He’s here, sir.

Enter Doctor.

JOHN
Oh, Doctor, now or never, give him his last.
We are poison’d both.                                                             [Exit Doctor.

VALASCO
I think our banes are ask’d.

JOHN
He’ll bring that shall forbid it.  Call him, villain!

PACHECO
Well, sir, I will call him villain.                                                         [Exit.

VALASCO
All thrives not well within me.  [Aside.] On my soul,
‘Tis but conceit.  I’m hurt with fear.  Don John
Is my close mortal enemy and perhaps
Under the choler I am poison’d, sends
To pay me soundly.  To prevent the worst,
Preservative or poison, he drinks first.

Enter Doctor.

JOHN
Give it him.

VALASCO
No, begin.

JOHN
What is’t?

DOCTOR
Cordial.

JOHN
The doctor shall begin, quickly, so here,
Half this.  To both our deaths if’t come too late.

VALASCO
I pledge them both, death is a common foe.

JOHN
Shift hands; is’t mortal?

DOCTOR
It strikes, sure.

JOHN
Let it run.

VALASCO
‘Tis down.

JOHN
[Aside.] I’m glad thy life’s not a span long.
[Aloud.] How is’t?

VALASCO
Worse.

JOHN
[Aside.] Better.  I do fear this physic
Like pardons for men hang’d is brought too late.          [VALASCO falls.

DOCTOR
He’s gone.

JOHN
Who’s without?

DOCTOR
Some of his men attending with his carouch.

JOHN
Take help.  Bestow the body in’t; convey it
To his own house and there, sir, see you swear
You saw him in your presence fall dead here.

DOCTOR
This I can safely swear.

JOHN
Help then; away.
Thou art next, for none must live that can betray.                         [Exeunt.

Proceed to the next scene.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

%d bloggers like this: