Satiromastix – Act Three, Scene Two

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Trumpets sound a flourish, and then a sennet.  Enter KING,  with CÆLESTINE, SIR WALTER TERILL, SIR QUINTILIAN, SIR ADAM, BLUNT, and other Ladies, DICACHE, PHILOCALIA, PETULA, and Attendants; whilst the trumpets sound, the KING takes his leave of the Bridegroom,  and SIR QUINTILIAN and last of the Bride.

My song of parting, doth this burden bear.
A kiss the ditty, and I sing it here.
Your lips are well in tune, strung with delight,
By this fair bride remember soon at night.
Sir Walter.

My liege lord, we all attend,
The time and place.

Till then, my leave commend.                            [They bring him to the door.

Enter at another door, SIR VAUGHAN.

Ladies, I am to put a very easy suit upon you all, and to desire you to fill you little pellies at a dinner of plums behind no one.  There be suckets and marmalades, and marchants, and other long white plums that fain would kiss your delicate and sweet lips.  I indict you all together, and you especially, my lady pride.  What do you say for yoursells?  For I indict you all.

I thank you, good Sir Vaughan, I will come.

Say, sentlewomen, will you stand to me too?

We’ll sit with you, sweet Sir Vaughan.

God a’ mighty, pless your faces, and make your peauties last, when we are all dead and rotten.  You will all come?

All will come.

Pray God that Horace be in his right wits to rail now.                               [Exit.

Come, lady, you shall be my dancine guest
To treat the maze of music with the rest.

I’ll lead you in.

A maze is like a doubt,
‘Tis easy to go in, hard to get out.

We follow close behind.

That measure’s best.
Now none marks us, but we mark all the rest.


Father, and you my bride; that name today;
Wife comes not till tomorrow; but omitting
This interchange of language, let us think
Upon the king and night, and call out spirits
To a true reckoning.  First, to arm our wits
With complete steel of judgement, and out tongues
With sound artillery of phrases; then
Our bodies must be motions; moving first
What we speak; afterwards, our very knees
Must humbly seem to talk, and suit our speech,
For a true furnish’d courtier hath such force;
Though his tongue faints, his very legs discourse.

Son Terill, thou hast drawn his picture right,
For he’s no full-made courtier, nor well strung
That hath not every joint struck with a tongue.
Daughter, if ladies say, that is the bride, that’s she,
Gaze thou at none, for all will gaze at thee.

Then, O my father, must I go?  O my husband,
Shall I then go?  O, myself, will I go?

You must.

You shall.

I will, but give me leave
To say I may not, nor I ought not, say not
Still, I must go, let me entreat I may not.

You must and shall; I made a deed of give,
And gave my oath unto the king; I swore
By thy true constancy.

Then keep that word
To swear by.  O, let me be constant still.

What shall I cancel faith, and break my oath?

If breaking constancy, thou breakst them both.

Thy constancy no evil can pursue.

I  may be constant still, and yet not true.

As how?

As thus:  violence detain’d,
They may be constant still, that are constrain’d.

Constrain’d?  That word weighs heavy, yet my oath
Weighs down that word; the king’s thoughts are at odds;
They are not even balanced in his breast.
The king may play the man with me; nay more,
Kings may usurp; my wife’s a woman, yet
‘Tis more then I know yet, that know not her.
If she should prove mankind, ‘twere rare, fie, fie!
See how I lose myself amongst my thoughts
Thinking to find myself?  My oath, my oath!

I swear another, let me see, by what?
By my long stocking, and my narrow skirts,
Not made to sit upon; she shall to court.
I have a trick, a charm, that shall lay down
The spirit of lust, and keep thee undeflowered.
Thy husband’s honour sav’d, and the hot king
Shall have enough too.  Come, a trick, a charm.                              [Exit.

God keep thy honour safe, my blood from harm.

Come, my sick-minded bride, I’ll teach thee how
To relish health a little.  Taste this thought:
That when mine eyes serv’d love’s commission
Upon thy beauties, I did seize on them
To a king’s use; cure all thy grief with this:
That his great seal was graven upon this ring,
And that I was but steward to a king.                                          [Exeunt.

Proceed to the next scene


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