Northward Ho – Act 4, Scene 2

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Enter CAPTAIN JENKINS and ALLUM.

 CAPTAIN
See the best of your little diminutive legs before and ride post, I pray.

ALLUM
Is it possible that Mistress Doll should be so bad?

CAPTAIN
Possible!  ‘Sblood, ‘tis more easy for a ‘oman to be naught than for a soldier to beg, and that’s horrible easy, you know.

ALLUM
Ay, but to conycatch us all so grossly!

CAPTAIN
You Norfolk tumblers are but zanies to conycatching punks.

ALLUM
She gelded my purse of fifty pounds in ready money.

CAPTAIN
I will geld all the horses in five hundred shires, but I will ride over her, and her cheaters, and her Hornets; she made a stark ass of my coach-horse, and there is a putter-box, whom she spread thick upon her white bread and eat him up.  I think she has sent the poor fellow to Gelderland, but I will marsh pravely in and out and pack again upon all the low countries in Christendom, as Holland, and Zealand, and Netherland, and Cleveland too; and I will be drunk and cast with master Hans van Belch, but I will smell him out.

ALLUM
Do so and we’ll draw all our arrows of revenge up to the head but we’ll hit her for her villainy.

CAPTAIN
I will traw as petter and as urse weapons as arrews up to the head, lug you; it shall be warrants to give her the whip deedle.

ALLUM
But now she knows she’s discovered, she’ll take her bells and fly out of our reach.

CAPTAIN
Fly with her pells!  Ounds! I know a parish that sal tag down all the pells and sell ‘em to Captain Jenkins, to do him good, and if pells will fly, we’ll fly too, unless the pell-ropes hang us.  Will you amble up and down to Master Justice by my side to have this rascal Hornet in corum, and so to make her hold her whore’s piece?

ALLUM
I’ll amble or trot with you, Captain.  You told me she threatened her champions should cut for her; if so, we may have the piece of her.

CAPTAIN
O mon du! Du guin!  Follow your leader; Jenkins shall cut and slice as worse as they.  Come; I scorne to have any piece of her, or of any ‘oman, but open wars!    [Exeunt.

Proceed to the next scene

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