2 Honest Whore – Act 5, scene 2

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Enter DUKE, CAROLO, ASTOLFO, BERALDO, FONTINELL,
three or four masters of Bridewell; INFELICE.

 DUKE
Your Bridewell?  That the name?  For beauty, strength,
Capacity and form of ancient building,
Besides the river’s neighbourhood, few houses
Wherein we keep our court can better it.

FIRST MASTER
Hither from foreign courts have princes come,
And with our Duke did acts of state commence,
Here that the great cardinal had first audience,
The grave company, that duke dead, his son,
That famous prince, gave free possession
Of this his palace, to the citizens,
To be the poor man’s ware-house, and endowed it
With lands to th’ value of seven hundred mark,
With all the bedding and the furniture, once proper,
As the lands then were, to an hospital
Belonging to a Duke of Savoy.  Thus
Fortune can toss the world.  A prince’s court
Is thus a prison now.

DUKE
‘Tis Fortune’s sport;
These changes common are.  The wheel of fate
Turns kingdoms up, till they fall desolate.
But how are these seven hundred marks by th’ year
Employ’d in this your work-house?

FIRST MASTER
War and peace
Feed both upon those lands.  When the iron doors
Of wars burst open, from this house are sent
Men furnish’d in all martial complement.
The moon hath thorough her bow scarce drawn to th’head,
Like to twelve silver arrows, all the months
Since sixteen hundred soldiers went aboard.
Here providence and charity play such parts,
The house is like a very school of arts,
For when our soldiers, like ships driven from sea
With ribs all broken, and with tatter’d sides,
Cast anchor here again, their ragged backs
How often do we cover! that, like men,
They may be sent to their own homes again.
All here are but one swarm of bees, and strive
To bring with wearied thighs honey to the hive.
The sturdy beggar, and the lazy loon
Gets here hard hands, or lac’d correction.
The vagabond grows stay’d, and learns to ‘bey,
The drone is beaten well, and sent away.
As other prisons are, some for the thief,
Some, by which undone credit gives relief
From bridled debtors, others for the poor,
So this is for the bawd, the rogue, and whore.

CAROLO
An excellent team of horse.

FIRST MASTER
Nor is it seen
That the whip draws blood here, to cool the spleen
Of any rugged bencher, nor does offence
Feel smart on spiteful, or rash evidence,
But pregnant testimony forth must stand
Ere justice leave them in the beadles hand,
As iron, on the anvil are they laid,
Not to take blows alone, but to be made
And fashioned to some charitable use.

DUKE
This wholsom’st laws spring from the worst abuse.

 Enter ORLANDO as PACHECO, before BELLAFRONT.

 BELLAFRONT
Let mercy touch your heart-strings, gracious lord,
That it may sound like music in the ear
Of a man desperate, being i’th’ hands of law.

DUKE
His name?

BELLAFRONT
Matheo.

DUKE
For a robbery?
Where is he?

BELLAFRONT
In this house.

DUKE

Fetch you him hither.

[Exeunt BELLAFONT and one of the Masters of Bridewell.

Is this the party?

ORLANDO
This is the hen, my lord, that the cock, with the lordly comb, your son-in-law would crow over, and tread.

DUKE
Are your two servants ready?

ORLANDO
My two peddlers are pack’d together, my good lord.

DUKE
‘Tis well.  This day in judgement shall be spent
Vice, like a wound lanc’d, mends by punishment.

INFELICE
Let me be gone, my lord, or stand unseen.
‘Tis rare when a judge strikes, and that none die,
And ‘tis unfit then, women should be by.

FIRST MASTER
We’ll place you, lady, in some private room.

INFELICE
Pray, do so.                                                                                                             [Exit.

ORLANDO
Thus nice dames swear it is unfit their eyes
Should view men carv’d up for anatomies,
Yet they’ll see all so they may stand unseen,
Many women sure will sin behind a screen.

 Enter LODOVICO.

 LODOVICO
Your son, the Lord Hippolito, is entered.

DUKE
Tell him we wish his presence.  A word, Sforsa,
On what wings flew he hither?

LODOVICO
These: I told him his lark whom he loved was a Bridewell bird. He’s mad that this cage should hold her, and is come to let her out.

DUKE
‘Tis excellent.  Away, go call him hither.                                    [Exit LODOVICO.

 Enter one of the Governors of the house, BELLAFRONTafter him with MATHEO, after him the Constable.  Enter at another door, LODOVICO and HIPPOLITO; ORLANDO and brings in two Peddlers.

 DUKE
You are to us a stranger, worthy lord,
‘Tis strange to see you here.

HIPPOLITO
It is most fit,
That where the sun goes, atomies follow it.

DUKE
Atomies neither shape, nor honour bear.
Be you your self, a sun-beam to shine clear.
Is this the gentleman?
Stand forth and hear your accusation.

MATHEO
I’ll hear none.  I fly high in that.  Rather then kites shall seize upon me and pick out mine eyes to my face.  I’ll strike my talons thorough upon mine own heart first, and spit my blood in theirs.  I am here for shriving those two fools of their sinful pack.  When those jack-daws have caw’d over me, then must I cry guilty, or not guilty.  The law has work enough already, and therefore I’ll put no work of mine into his hands; the hangman shall ha’t first.  I did pluck those ganders, did rob them.

DUKE
‘Tis well done, to confess.

MATHEO
Confess and be hanged, and then I fly high, is’t not so?  That for that?  A gallows is the worst rub that a good bowler can meet with.  I stumbled against such a post, else this very night I had play’d the part of a true son in these days, undone my father-in-law, with him would I ha’ run at leap-frog, and come over his gold, though I had broke his neck for’t.  But the poor salmon trout is now in the net.

HIPPOLITO
And now the law must teach you to fly high.

MATHEO
Right, my lord, and then may you fly low.  No more words; a mouse, mum, you are stopp’d.

BELLAFRONT
Be good to my poor husband, dear my lord.

MATHEO
Ass!  Why shouldst thou pray them to be good to me, when no man here is good to one another?

DUKE
Did any hand work in this theft but yours?

MATHEO
O, yes, my lord, yes.  The hangman has never one son at a birth, his children always come by couples.  Though I cannot give the old dog my father a bone to gnaw, the daughter shall be sure of a choke-pear.  Yes, my lord, there was one more that fiddled my find peddlers, and that was my wife.

BELLAFRONT
Alas, I?

ORLANDO
[Aside.] O everlasting, supernatural, superlative villain!

OMNES
Your wife, Matheo?

HIPPOLITO
Sure, it cannot be.

MATHEO
Oh, sir, you love no quarters of mutton that hang up, you love none but whole mutton.  She set the robbery, I perform’d it.  She spur’d me on, I gallop’d away.

ORLANDO
My lords.—

BELLAFRONT
My lords,—fellow, give me speech,—if my poor life
May ransom thine, I yield it to the law.
Thou hurt’st my soul, yet wipest off no offence,
By casting blots upon my innocence.
Let not these spare me, but tell truth; no, see
Who slips his neck out of the misery,
Though not out of the mischief.  Let thy servant
That shar’d in this base act, accuse me here.
Why should my husband perish, he go clear?

ORLANDO
[Aside.] A good child, hang thine own father.

DUKE
Old fellow, was thy hand in too?

ORLANDO
My hand was in the pie, my lord.  I confess it.  My mistress, I see, will bring me to the gallows, and so leave me.  But I’ll not leave her so.  I had rather hang in a woman’s company then in a man’s, because if we should go to hell together, I should scarce be letten in, for all the devils are afraid to have any woman come amongst them.  As I am true thief, she neither consented to this felony, nor knew of it.

DUKE
What fury prompts thee on to kill thy wife?

MATHEO
It’s my humour, sir.  ‘Tis a foolish bag-pipe that I make my self merry with.  Why should I eat hemp-seed at the hangman’s thirteen-pence, half-penny ordinary, and have this whore laugh at me as I swing, as I totter?

DUKE
Is she a whore?

MATHEO
A six-penny mutton pasty, for any to cut up.

ORLANDO
[Aside.] Ah, toad, toad, toad!

MATHEO
A barber’s cittern for every servingman to play upon.  That lord, your son, knows it.

HIPPOLITO
I, sir?  Am I her bawd then?

MATHEO
No, sir, but she’s your whore then.

ORLANDO
[Aside.] Yea, spider, dost catch at great flies?

HIPPOLITO
My whore?

MATHEO
I cannot talk, sir, and tell of your rems and your rees and your whirligigs, and devices; but, my lord, I found ‘em like sparrows in one nest, billing together, and bulling of me.  I took ‘em in bed, was ready to kill him, was up to stab her,—

HIPPOLITO
Close thy rank jaws.  Pardon me, I am vexed.
Thou art a villain, a malicious devil,
Deep at the place where thou art lost, thou liest,
Since I am thus far got into this storm,
I’ll throw, and thou shalt see I’ll throw untouch’d,
When thou shall perish in it.

 Enter INFELICE.

 INFELICE
‘Tis my cue
To enter now.  Room, let my prize be play’d.
I ha’ lurk’d in clouds, yet heard what all have said.
What jury more can prove, she has wrong’d my bed,
Then her own husband, she must be punished.
I challenge law, my lord, letters, and gold,
And jewels from my lord that woman took.

HIPPOLITO
Against that black-mouthed devil, against letters and gold,
And against a jealous wife I do uphold
Thus far her reputation.  I could sooner
Shake the Appenine, and crumble rocks to dust,
Then, though Jove’s shower rain down, tempt her to lust.

BELLAFRONT
What shall I say?

ORLANDO
[He discovers himself.] Say thou art not a whore, and that’s more than fifteen women, amongst five hundred, dare swear without lying.  This shalt thou say, no, let me say’t for thee: thy husband’s a knave, this lord’s an honest man, thou art no punk, this lady’s a right lady.  Pacheco is a thief as his master is, but old Orlando is as true a man as thy father is.  I ha’ seen you fly high, sir, and I ha’ seen you fly low, sir, and to keep you from the gallows, sir, a blue coat have I worn, and a thief did I turn.  Mine own men are the peddlers.  My twenty pounds did fly high, sir.  Your wive’s gown did fly low, sir.  Whither fly you now, sir?  You ha’ scap’d the gallows, to the devil you fly next, sir.  Am I right, my liege?

DUKE
Your father has the true physician play’d

MATHEO
And I am now his patient.

HIPPOLITO
And be so still,
‘Tis a good sign when our cheeks blush at ill.

CONSTABLE
The linen draper, Signior Candido,
He whom the city terms the patient man,
Is likewise here for buying of those lawns
The peddlers lost.

INFELICE
Alas, good Candido.

DUKE
Fetch him. [Exit Constable.] And when these payments up are cast,
Weigh out your light gold, but let’s have them last.

 Enter CANDIDO and Constable.

In Bridewell, Candido?                                                                        [Exit Constable.

CANDIDO
Yes, my good lord.

DUKE
What make you here?

CANDIDO
My lord, what make you here?

DUKE
I’m here to save right, and to drive wrong hence.

CANDIDO
And I to bear wrong here with patience.

DUKE
You ha’ bought stol’n goods.

CANDIDO
So they do say, my lord,
Yet bought I them upon a gentleman’s word,
And I imagine now, as I thought then,
That there be thieves, but no thieves, gentlemen.

HIPPOLITO
Your credit’s crack’d being here.

CANDIDO
No more than gold,
Being crack’d which does his estimation hold.
I was in Bedlam once, but was I mad?
They make me pledge whore’s healths, but am I bad
Because I’m with bad people?

DUKE
Well, stand by,
If you take wrong, we’ll cure the injury.

 Enter Constable; after him BOTS; after him, two Beadles,
one with hemp, the other with a beetle.

Stay, stay, what’s he?  A prisoner?

CONSTABLE
Yes, my lord.

HIPPOLITO
He seems a soldier.

BOTS
I am what I seem, sir.  One of Fortune’s bastards, a soldier, and a gentleman, and am brought in here with Master Constable’s band of billmen, because they face me down that I life, like those that keep bowling alley, by the sins of the people, in being a squire of the body.

HIPPOLITO
Oh, an apple-squire.

BOTS
Yes, sir, that degree of scurvy squires, and that I am maintained by the best part that is commonly in a woman, by the worst players of those parts, but I am known to all this company.

LODOVICO
My lord, ‘tis true, we all know him; ‘tis Lieutenant Bots.

DUKE
Bots, and where ha’ you served, Bots?

BOTS
In most of your hottest services in the low countries.  At the Groyne I was wounded in this thigh, and halted upon’t, but ‘tis now sound.  In Cleveland I miss’d but little, having the bridge of my nose broken down with two great stones, as I was scaling a fort.   I ha’ been tried, sir, too, in Gelderland, and scap’d hardly there from being blown up at a breach.   I was fired, and lay i’th’surgeon’s hands for’t, till the fall of the leaf following.

HIPPOLITO
All this may be, and yet you are no soldier.

BOTS
No soldier, sir?   I hope these are servants that your proudest commanders do venture upon, and never come off sometimes.

DUKE
Well, sir, because you say you are a soldier,
I’ll use you like a gentleman.  Make room there,
Plant him amongst you.  We shall have anon
Strange hawks fly here before us.  If none light
On you, you shall with freedom take your flight.
But if you prove a bird of baser wing,
We’ll use you like such birds, here you shall sing.

BOTS
I wish to be tried at no other weapon.

DUKE
Why is he furnisn’d with those implements?

FIRST MASTER
The pander is more dangerous to a state
Then is the common thief, yet that the pander
May know the hangman’s ruff should be for him too,
Therefore he’s set to beat hemp.

DUKE
This does savour
Of justice: basest slaves to basest labour.
Now pray, set open hell, and let us see
The she-devils that are here.

INFELICE
Methinks this place
Should make even Lais honest.

FIRST MASTER
Some it turns good,
But, as some men whose hands are once in blood
Do in a pride spill more, so some going hence
Are, by being here, lost in more impudence.
Let it not to them, when they come, appear
That any one does as their judge sit here,
But that as gentlemen you come to see,
And then perhaps their tongues will walk more free.

DUKE
Let them be marshall’d in.

[Exeunt Masters, Constable, and Beadles.

                                         Be cover’d, all
Fellows now, to make the scene more comical.

CAROLO
Will not you be smelt out, Bots?

BOTS
No, your bravest whores have the worst noses.

 Enter two of the masters; the Constable after them, then DOROTHEA TARGET, brave, after her two Beadles, th’one with a wheel, the other with a blue gown.

 LODOVICO
Are you not a bride, forsooth?

DOROTHEA
Say ye?

CAROLO
He would know if these be not your bridemen.

DOROTHEA
Vuh!  Yes, sir; and look ye, do you see the bride-laces that I give at my wedding?  Will serve to tie rosemary to both your coffins when you come from hanging.  Scab?

ORLANDO
Fie, punk, fie, fie, fie!

DOROTHEA
Out, you stale stinking head of garlic, foh, at my heels!

ORLANDO
My head’s cloven.

HIPPOLITO
O, let the gentlewoman alone, she’s going to shrift.

ASTOLFO
Nay, to do penance.

CAROLO
Ay, ay, go punk, go to the cross and be whipp’d.

DOROTHEA
Marry, mew, marry, muff, marry hang you goodman dog!  Whipp’d!  Do ye take me for a base spittle-whore?  In troth, gentlemen, you wear the clothes of gentlemen to abuse a gentlewoman of my fashion.

LODOVICO
Fashion!  A pox a’ your fashions!  Art not a whore?

DOROTHEA
Goodman slave!

DUKE
O fie!  Abuse her not.  Let us two talk.
What might I call your name, pray?

DOROTHEA
I’m not ashamed of my name, sir.  My name is Mistress Doll Target, a western gentlewoman.

LODOVICO
Her target against any pike in Milan.

DUKE
Why is this wheel borne after her?

FIRST MASTER
She must spin.

DOROTHEA
A coarse thread it must be, as all threads are.

ASTOLFO
If you spin, then you’ll earn money here too?

DOROTHEA
I had rather get half a crown abroad than ten crowns here.

ORLANDO
Abroad?  I think so.

INFELICE
Dost thou not weep now thou art here?

DOROTHEA
Say ye?  Weep?  Yes, forsooth, as you did when you lost your maidenhead.  Do you not hear how I weep?                                                                                 [Sings.

LODOVICO
Farewell, Doll.

DOROTHEA
Farewell, dog.                                   [Exit, with Second Master and Beadles.

DUKE
Past shame, past penitence.  Why is that blue gown?

FIRST MASTER
Being stripp’d out of her wanton loose attire,
That garment she puts on, base to the eye,
Only to clothe her in humility.

DUKE
Are all the rest like this?

FIRST MASTER
No, my good lord.
You see, this drab swells with a wanton rein.
The next that enters has a different strain.

DUKE
Variety is good.  Let’s see the rest.                                                   [Exit Master.

BOTS
Your grace sees I’m sound yet, and no bullets hit me.

DUKE
Come off so, and ‘tis well.

OMNES
Here’s the second mess.

Enter the two Masters, after them the Constable, after him PENELOPE WHORE-HOUND, like a citizen’s wife, after her two Beadles, one with a blue gown, another with chalk and a mallet.

PENELOPE
I ha’ worn many a costly gown, but I was never thus guarded with blue coats, and beadles, and constables, and—

 CAROLO
Alas, fair mistress, spoil not thus your eyes.

PENELOPE
Oh, sweet sir, I fear the spoiling of other places about me that are dearer then my eyes.  If you be gentlemen, if you be men, or ever came of a woman, pity my case, stand to me, stick to me, good sir, you are an old man.

ORLANDO
Hang not on me, I prithee.  Old trees bear no such fruit.

PENELOPE
Will you bail me, gentlemen?

LODOVICO
Bail thee?  Art in for debt?

PENELOPE
No, God is my judge sir, I am in for no debts.  I pay’d my tailor for this gown, the last five shillings a week that was behind yesterday.

DUKE
What is your name, I pray?

PENELOPE
Penelope Whore-Hound.  I come of the Whore-Hounds.  How does Lieutenant Bots?

OMNES
Aha, Bots!

BOTS
A very honest woman, as I’m a soldier.  A pox Bots ye!

PENELOPE
I was never in this pickle before, and yet if I go amongst citizen’s wives, they jeer at me.  If I go among the loose-bodied gowns, they cry a pox on me, because I go civilly attired, and swear their trade was a good trade, till such as I am took it out of their hands.  Good Lieutenant Bots, speak to these captains to bail me.

FIRST MASTER
Begging for bail still?  You are a trim gossip.  Go, give her the blue gown, set her to her chair.  Work, huswife, for your bread; away!

PENELOPE
Out, you dog!  A pox on you all!  Women are born to curse thee, but I shall live to see twenty such flat-caps shaking dice for a penny-worth of pippins.  Out, you blind-eyed rogue!                                                                                                        [Exit.

OMNES
Ha, ha, ha!

DUKE
Even now she wept and pray’d.  Now does she curse?

FIRST MASTER
Seeing me.  If still she had stay’d, this had been worse.

HIPPOLITO
Was she ever here before?

FIRST MASTER
Five time at least,
And thus if men come to her, have her eyes
Wrung, and wept out her bail.

OMNES
Bots, do you know her?

BOTS
Is there any gentleman here that knows not a whore, and is he a hair the worse for that?

DUKE
Is she a city-dame, she’s so attired?

FIRST MASTER
No, my good lord, that’s only but the veil
To her loose body.  I have seen her here
In gayer masking suits, as several sauces
Give one dish several tastes, so change of habits
In whores is a bewitching art.  To day
She’s all in colours to besot gallants,
Then in modest black, to catch the citizen,
And this from their examinations dawn.
Now shall you see a monster both in shape
And nature quite from these, that sheds no tear,
Nor yet is nice; ‘tis a plain ramping bear.
Many such whales are cast upon this shore.

OMNES
Let’s see her.

FIRST MASTER
Then behold a swaggering whore.                                                                    [Exit.

ORLANDO
Keep your ground, Bots.

BOTS
I do but traverse to spy advantage how to arm myself.

Enter the two Masters first, after them the Constable,
after them a Beadle beating a basin, then CATHERINA
BOUNTINALL, with MISTRESS HORSELEECH, after them
another Beadle with a blue head guarded with yellow.

 CATHERINA
Sirrah, when I cry hold your hands, hold, you rogue-catcher, hold.  Bawd, are the French chilblains in your heels, that you can come no faster?  Are not you, bawd, a whore’s ancient, and must not I follow my colours?

MISTRESS HORSELEECH
O, Mistress Catherina, you do me wrong to accuse me here as you do, before the right worshipful.  I am known for a motherly honest woman, and no bawd.

CATHERINA
Marry foh!  Honest!  Burn’t at fourteen, seven times whipp’d, six times carted, nine times duck’d, search’d by some hundred and fifty constables and yet you are honest?  Honest Mistress Horseleech, is this world a world to keep bawds and whores honest?  How many times hast thou given gentlemen a quart of  wine in a gallon pot?  How many twelve-penny fees, nay, two shilling fees, nay, when any embassadors ha’ been here, how many half-crown fees hast thou taken?  How many carriers hast thou bribed for country-wenches?  How often have I rins’d your lungs in aqua vitæ, and yet you are honest?

DUKE
And what were you the whilest?

CATHERINA
Marry, hang you, master slave.  Who made you an examiner?

LODOVICO
Well said, belike this devil spares no man.

CATHERINA
What art thou, prithee?

BOTS
Nay, what art thou prithee?

CATHERINA
A whore.  Art thou a thief?

BOTS
A thief?  No, I defy the calling.  I am a soldier, have borne arms in the field, been in many a hot skirmish yet come off sound.

CATHERINA
Sound!  With a pox to ye, ye abominable rogue!  You a soldier! You in skirmishes!  Where?  Amongst pottle pots in a bawdy-house?  Look, look here, you Madam Wormeaten, do not you know him?

HIPPOLITO
Lieutenant Bots, where have ye been this many a day?

BOTS
Old bawd, do not discredit me.  Seem not to know me.

MISTRESS HORSELEECH
Not to know ye, Master Bots?  As long as I have breath I cannot forget thy sweet face.

DUKE
Why, do you know him?  He says he is a soldier.

CATHERINA
He a soldier?  A pander, a dog that will lick up six pence.  Do ye hear, you Master Swine’s-snout?  How long is’t since you held the door for me, and cried to’t again, no body comes!  You rogue, you!

OMNES
Ha, ha, ha!  Y’are smelt out again, Bots.

BOTS
Pox ruin her nose for’t, and I be not revenged for this— um, ye bitch!

LODOVICO
De ye hear he, madam?  Why does you ladyship swagger thus?  Y’are very brave, methinks.

CATHERINA
Not at your cost, Master Cod’s-head.
Is any man here blear-eyed to see me brave?

ASTOLFO
Yes, I am, because good clothes upon a whore’s back is like fair painting upon a rotten wall.

CATHERINA
Marry muff, Master Whoremaster, you come upon me with sentences.

BERALDO
By this light, has small sense for’t.

LODOVICO
O, fie, fie!  Do not vex her.  And yet methinks a creature of more scurvy conditions should not know what a good petticoat were.

CATHERINA
Marry, come out.  Y’are so busy about my petticoats, you’ll creep up to my placket, and ye could but attain the honour; but and the outsides offend your rogueships, look o’ the lining; ‘tis silk.

DUKE
Is’t silk ‘tis lined with then?

CATHERINA
Silk?  Ay, silk, Master Slave.  You would be glad to wipe your nose with the skirt on’t.  This ‘tis to come among a company of cod’s-heads that know not how to use a gentlewoman.

DUKE
Tell her the duke is here.

FIRST MASTER
Be modest, Kate, the Duke is here.

CATHERINA
If the devil were here I care not.  Set forward, ye rogues, and give attendance according to your places.  Let bawds and whores be sad, for I’ll sing and the devil were a-dying.

 [Exeunt CATHERINA, MISTRESS LORSELEECH, and Beadles.

 DUKE
Why before her does the basin ring?

FIRST MASTER
It is an emblem of their revelling.
The whips we use lets forth their wanton blood,
Making them calm, and more to calm their pride,
In stead of coaches they in carts to ride.
Will your grace see more of this bad ware?

DUKE
No, shut up shop, we’ll now break up the fair.
Yet, ere we part—you sir, that take upon ye
The name of soldier, that true name of worth
Which, action not vain boasting best sets forth,
To let you know how far a soldier’s name
Stands from your tide, and to let you see,
Soldiers must not be wrong’d where princes be:
This be your sentence.

OMNES
Defend yourself, Bots.

DUKE
First, all the private sufferance that the house
Inflicts upon offenders, you, as the basest,
Shall undergo it double, after which
You shall be whipp’d, sir, round about the city,
Then banish’d from the land.

BOTS
Beseech your grace.

DUKE
Away with him, see it done.  Panders and whores
Are city-plagues, which being kept alive,
Nothing that looks like goodness ere can thrive.
Now, good Orlando, what say you to your bad son-in-law?

ORLANDO
Marry this, my lord: he is my son-in-law, and in law will I be his father, for is law can pepper him, he shall be so parboil’d that he shall stink no more i’th’nose of the common-wealth.

BELLAFRONT
Be yet more kind and merciful, good father.

ORLANDO
Dost thou beg for him, thou precious mare’s meat, thou?  Has he not beaten thee, kick’d thee, trod on thee, and dost thou fawn on him like his spaniel?  Has he not pawn’d thee to thy petticoat, sold thee to thy smock, made ye leap at a crust, yet wouldst have me save him?

BELLAFRONT
Oh, yes, good sir, women shall learn of me,
To love their husbands in greatest misery,
Then show him pity, or you wrack my self.

ORLANDO
Have ye eaten pigeons that y’are so kindhearted to your mate? Nay, y’are a couple of wild bears.  I’ll have ye both baited at one stake.  But as for this knave, the gallows is thy due, and the gallows thou shalt have.  I’ll have justice of the duke; the law shall have thy life.  What, dost thou hold him?  Let go his hand.  If thou dost not forsake him, a father’s everlasting blessing fall upon both your heads.  Away, go, kiss out of my sight.  Play thou the whore no more, nor thou the thief again.
My house shall be thine,
My meat shall be thine,
And so shall my wine,
But my money shall be mine,
And yet, when I die,
So thou dost not fly high,
Take all, yet good Matheo, mend.
Thus for joy weeps Orlando, and doth end.

DUKE
Then hear, Matheo: all your woes are stayed
By your good father-in-law.  All your ills
Are clear purged from you by his working pills.
Come, Signior Candido, these green young wits,
We see by circumstance, this plot hath laid.
Still to provoke thy patience, which they find
A wall of brass, no armour’s like the mind.
Thou hast taught the city patience, now our court
Shall be thy sphere, where from thy good report,
Rumours this truth unto the world shall sing,
A patient man’s a pattern for a king.                                                         [Exeunt.

F I N I S.

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